Pretending by Alesha Sinks

When you’ve been let down or ignored or forgotten or taken advantage of…when you’ve been hurt, it’s easy to hide.

It’s easy to slip into the shadows of fine. It’s easy to quietly let your soul retreating into hiding. It’s easy emotionally step back into a pattern of pretending.

BUT PRETENDING BEFORE OTHERS LEADS TO PRETENDING BEFORE OURSELVES AND PRETENDING BEFORE GOD.

If we think we are doing okay... If we think the little things don't matter... If we think we can gloss over the messy parts... If we think it's fine to avoid certain topics or areas of life... If we think we need to seem a certain way for the sake of others…

...then we are lying to ourselves. We are pretending.

And that’s the tricky part about pretending.

WE CAN TRICK OURSELVES WITH OUR OWN PRETENDING.

When I focus on presenting myself just right to you... When I focus on glossing over certain areas of my life... When I focus on manipulating facts just a bit in my favor... When I focus on showing you only the good parts…

...I start to become a pretender in all of my life.

I can’t pretend in front of you and not in front of God. Because I’m a whole person, not a network of little pieces functioning together under some sort of contract. I’m a whole person and all of me is affected by every decision part of me makes.

WE ARE WHOLE PEOPLE AND WE CAN’T PRETEND IN ONE PART OF OUR LIVES AND EXPECT IT TO STOP THERE.

If we spend our time curating an specific image of ourselves to present to those around us, we’ll begin to believe our own lies. We’ll trick ourselves into thinking we are doing just fine or that our lives actually look exactly like what we say they do.

If I only show you the disciplined parts of my life, hiding the messy, lazy, disorganized parts, I’ll begin to believe that I am a disciplined person…with no room for growth.

If I only show you the thankful and joyful parts of my life, hiding the worried, anxious, ungrateful parts, I’ll begin to believe that I am a thankful, joyful person…with no room for growth.

If I only show you the strong and faith-filled parts of my life, hiding the fearful, weak, discouraged parts, I’ll begin to believe that I am full of faith and strength…with no room for growth.

WHEN I THINK THAT I HAVE NO ROOM FOR GROWTH, WHEN I THINK THAT I’M FINE, I’M LYING TO MYSELF.

So many times I’ve found myself feeling shallow and disconnected and joyless and I am unable figure out why because, “Everything is fine.” Until I realize that the “fine” I’m preaching isn’t real. It’s a lie I started telling others and believing myself and hiding behind when I came before God. It’s a self-sufficient, I-don’t-need-you-God kind of “fine” that  isolates me from others, disengages me from God, and starves my soul.

It’s okay to be full of joy, but it’s not okay to pretend we’re that way.

It’s okay to be happy and excited in life, but it’s not okay to pretend we’re that way.

It’s okay to choose thankfulness in all circumstances, but it’s not okay to pretend it’s easy…that it doesn’t require grace and strength from God.

And it’s okay if some struggles are private from others as long as we aren’t pretending we’re fine when we should be asking for prayer.

And it’s okay to not share everything with others as long as we are sharing everything with God.

We don’t want to find ourselves starting down the path of pretending, because...

PRETENDING BEFORE OTHERS LEADS TO PRETENDING BEFORE OURSELVES AND PRETENDING BEFORE GOD.

And I’m preaching to the choir with this post. I hope you see that. Because I see the tendencies in myself every week. I see my heart start to retreat into the shadows of ”fine”. But I know what’s down that path and I don’t want to go there. 

Let’s stop pretending.

Easier Next Time by Alesha Sinks

Every habit starts with a decision. That is all it is...one same decision made over and over again.

When you’re at the very beginning of a new habit or routine and you look down the daunting string of daily repetition of decision making to come, it can begin to feel overwhelming. And the weight of repetition can crush you from that perspective.

A habit is a decision that you make today and tomorrow and then next day…forever.

But as painful and overwhelming as the weight of decision can feel on the first day, that first time, it won’t always be that hard. Because…

Each decision you make, will make a future decision easier.

No matter what path you take, left of right or indecisions, every decision made will make another decision easier the next time…which decision do you want that to be?

Make the decision you want to be the easier choice next time.

Make the decision you want to be come default.

Make the decision that is the first step on a path you want to travel.

Make the decision you plan to make tomorrow, next week, next year.

Make that decision today.

Because if you don’t make that decision today, you are making that decision harder for tomorrow. If you don’t make that decision now, you are instead making the opposite decision…a decision you plan to reverse later anyways or that you know is wrong or that is one step closer to a far worse decision that you never plan on making but are heading toward nonetheless.

And it might sound dramatic, but it’s true. Each decision you make is a step on a path, one direction or the other, with all the implications that lie farther down that decision pathway.

In the moment of difficulty…

In the moment of pause before action...

In the moment of putting off a decision…

…in those moments, we tend to rationalize and minimize the importance of the choice before us. We forget that each action we take or choose not to take in turn makes the next decision in that same direction a little easier to make.

I want to remind myself of this as I stare at my ringing alarm clock wishing for more sleep, as I feel the angry words rising hot in my throat, as I reach for a distraction when I really need Jesus. In the hard moments, in the decision making moments of life, I want to remember that how I make the little decisions before me will impact the way I make those same decisions the next time and the next and the next.

Make the decision you want to be the easier choice next time.

Perhaps you find yourself down a long path of bad decision making already. You’re looking back sad and overwhelmed and realizing how far the journey back will be…

Remember, there is grace for past mistakes and there is strength not our own to be found in Jesus.

So take the grace and strength that is offered you and make the decision that you want to be easier tomorrow and the next day and the next.

What little decisions are facing you today? What paths do you find yourself on that you are thankful for? What paths are you on that you wish you’d never started down?

Be blessed

Church Planting Is Not A Method by Alesha Sinks

Church planting is…

...not about the method.

...not about the plan.

...not about the systems.

...not about the schedule.

...not about the organization.

...not about the vision.

Vision and direction and methods and plans are good, valuable, important things. But I often find myself getting so caught up in the plan and the system that I miss out on the main point.

And the main point is Jesus. Always and only Jesus.

The main point is Jesus.

Seeking Him.

Knowing Him.

Loving Him.Serving Him.

Proclaiming Him.

Worshiping Him.

Glorifying Him.

And the systems and methods and schedules we use can be glorifying to God, but they cannot be God.

Methods cannot lead people to repentance. Plans cannot humble and restore us. Systems cannot produce changed lives. Schedules cannot bring us into relationship with God. Organization cannot wash away sins. Vision cannot heal the brokenness this world produces.

"There is power in the gospel, not necessarily the method."

Pastor Daniel Williams

And it is easy to get so caught up in our plans and our systems and our organizational structures that we forget these things are powerless.

They are powerless to save.

They are powerless to convict hearts.

They are powerless to bring repentance.

They are powerless to restore intimacy with God.

They are powerless to produce worship in us.

We need God's Spirit with us and the gospel flowing from our lips and through our lives in order to produce any true fruit for God's glory.

So don't ditch your systems or your vision. Maybe you even need to work harder at your plans and methods. But all of those things will be a waste unless God Spirit is behind them and the Gospel of Jesus Christ is what is being taught through them.

Be blessed

The Intimacy of Prayer by Alesha Sinks

“God is the most important part of the Gospel. And that is why prayer is so awesome. We get to access God, Himself.”
Pastor Daniel Williams

"God is the most important.”

And I’m stuck by how often I forget this. It becomes about the praying, the reading, the serving, the giving… It so quickly becomes about the stuff and the doing instead of the One we are giving to and doing for.

It reminds me of early on in our marriage when we were having an at-home date night. I spent all afternoon cooking a fancy meal and setting the table just right. I wanted the perfect fancy home date for my husband, but by the time we sat down to eat, I was stressed and tired. There was a still a kitchen full of dishes to take care of, and I didn't enjoy our date night or my husband.

I had made it about the stuff, about the doing for my husband instead of about my husband himself. From that time on, I've carefully considered how I spend my day before we go on a date or spend time together. I want to enjoy my husband and be enjoyable to him and connect with him personally, not waste all my energy on doing things for him.

And it’s the same in my walk with God. There are days I find myself drowning in the do more, try harder life, and when I look deep, I realize that I'm not enjoying God. In those moments, I wonder how to find release. How do I keep serving and giving and loving and reading and praying, but change the why?

Because the doing is good…so good and so important. But without the right motives, the right why, it’s meaningless in the end.

So I wonder, how do I change my why?

And I’m quickly reminded that all of this stuff and activity is about a relationship...a personal, intimate relationship with God.

“God is the most important part of the Gospel. And that is why prayer is so awesome. We get to access God, Himself.”
Pastor Daniel Williams

When I’m finding myself overwhelmed with doing for God and failing to connect with God, prayer is the first place I turn. Because usually, somewhere along the line, I’ve turned prayer into a box to check instead of a conversation with the One who loves me.

It’s a beautiful thing to realize afresh that I can pour out every thought and worry and question and joy and agony of my heart to God. He wants to hear every little thing hanging heavy on my heart and mind.

I can come to him in tears, in joys, in worries, in pain, in fear, in truth, in sin, in expectation, in suffering, in questioning, in anger…

He has born the sins of the world, so surely He can bear the weight of our worries and our fears.

But as I come to Him in truth and honesty, as I pour out my heart to Him, I need to listen to what He would say to me in return. When I do, I will find Him calming me, restoring me, loving me, and forgiving me. Though I might not feel His hand immediately, I am strengthened with the knowledge the He hears and He cares and He is good.

It is in talking with God through prayer that I find intimacy with Him renewed and restored and my faith in His care and goodness restored.

And I find myself returning again to this truth...

“God is the most important part of the Gospel. And that is why prayer is so awesome. We get to access God, Himself.”
Pastor Daniel Williams

For The Days When You Want A Shortcut by Alesha Sinks

Every day we see them, promises of a shortcut...of an easy way out or up or around.

It’s so easy to get sucked in. We want to think that things don’t take time or work or perseverance. Because hard work over a long period of time takes discipline…

Discipline is hard and even discouraging and overwhelming, until I sometimes wonder what the point is. But we all do it... We go to work because we want a pay check. We limit our diets so that we won’t gain weight, or perhaps will lose it. We lift weights and run laps and complete reps so that our bodies will look the way we want. But just as easily, we chase fad diets and drink popular health drinks and jump on money making bandwagons…all with the promise of quick and easy with little-to-no work involved.

All the areas of my life that I look back on and am pleased with the growth and progress I see are the result of hard work and perseverance…not loop holes and skipping steps. And I’m beginning to realize that for most good things, there are no shortcuts.

As I’m leaning into this new year and reflecting on the past one, I’m seeing that this is especially true in spiritual growth.

”…train yourself for godliness; for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.” 1 Timothy 4:7b-8

I look at rough edges that are being rounded out… 

I look at areas I’m learning to bite my tongue… 

I look at things that used to completely derail me with stress...

And the growth I see is a product of years of habit and perseverance.

There are no shortcuts for spiritual growth. We can slow down our spiritual growth, but we can’t speed it up or skip ahead or go around or make it easier. We won’t get the fruit of a life saturated in Jesus unless we discipline ourselves to actually saturate our lives in Jesus.

And I look back at years past and am thankful. I was training before I knew it. I was disciplining myself without realizing the results that would come. I was building habits and disciplines that have held me close to Jesus in the hard times. As I reflect on those disciplines, I don’t feel anything but thankfulness. I don’t feel pride or accomplishment or boastfulness, because I know that the building of those habits in Jesus was so much of His grace and so little of my own wisdom or strength.

It may feel pointless today… 

It may seem like useless repetition today… 

It may be impossible to see growth or progress today...

But choosing to train myself for godliness is something I’ll never regret. Because, looking back I don’t regret one single Sunday of sitting through church, one sink left full of dishes so I could read God’s Word, one moment of putting aside my schedule to love my neighbor…

And just about this moment is when guilt and condemnation and comparison creep up and threaten to beat my desire back into apathy. So just about this moment is when it’s essential that I remind you and remind me…

You won’t be able to do it on your own. I can’t do it on my own. I haven’t done it on my own.

And I certainly haven’t done it perfectly or easily or beautifully. But looking back through the mistakes and the work and the brokenness, growth has sprung forth, because the mistakes and the failures and the mess ups have just pulled me to the feet of Jesus again and again. 

Isn’t that the point anyways? Isn’t that the whole reason Paul tells us to discipline, to train, ourselves for godliness? Disciplining ourselves for godliness requires that we draw near to Jesus in humility and surrender, because we need His strength to do it, so that He gets the glory for it.

Don’t we all want to be closer to Jesus in 2016…in 2017? 

In 2020? 

In 2030? 

It starts today.

It starts with perseverance and discipline and failing forward by falling into the arms of Jesus, Who has promised to do it in us. 

The question is...will we?

PERSPECTIVE RESET (Psalm 139) by Alesha Sinks

{This post is an excerpt from my devotional ebook Perspective Reset: 28 readings and meditations from the Psalms. The devotional is FREE to all of my newsletter subscribers and I would love for you to download it. Click HERE to subscribe and download the ebook.}

Psalm 139:1-18

In this Psalm, David meditates on and praises God for His intimate care for every detail of our lives.

He starts by recalling God’s knowledge of every detail of our day-to-day lives, from our very first to our very last heartbeat. First David reminds himself that God knows our sleeping and walking and every breath that crosses our lips (v 1-6). Then he moves on to meditating on God’s complete presence and His ability to be with us no matter where we are (v 7-12). Next he begins to praise God’s detail and care in forming us as babies, and His knowledge of our life and purpose as he creates us (v 13- 16). And as David concludes this meditation, he once again breaks into praise…

"How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you." (v 17-18)

Perhaps you’ve read this Psalm before. I know several people who would pick this Psalm out of all 150 as their very favorite, and I think that’s because it shows the very tender, intimate love and attention that God bestows upon us.

I can’t help but read this Psalm and feel like small, tenderly loved child in God’s presence. In the New Testament, Jesus affirms God’s attentive and caring love for each of His children with statements like this one.

I can’t help but read this Psalm and feel like small, tenderly loved child in God’s presence

“...Even the hairs of your head are all numbered." (Matthew 10:30)

How can we read these verses and not bow in worship of a God so great who still chooses to intimately involve Himself in the details of our lives?

The next time you are tempted to believe that He doesn’t see you or doesn’t hear you or doesn’t care about you, remember, He knows your every breath. He cares about you deeply and knows you intimately. Rest your heart and mind in that truth today.

{Verse to Meditate On Today}

"How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!"
Psalm 139:17

{Take some time to meditate on the implications of serving a God who loves you so intimately and cares about you so deeply that He knows the number of the hairs on your head. Allow your heart to rest in this great love.}

When God Says Go by Alesha Sinks

We'd felt a restlessness, a desire for change. So we prayed and sought direction and been frustrated and prayed some more until God pointed us in a new direction. And suddenly it felt like we were pointed in a new direction and then left to drift. We saw what could happen if this new direction didn't work out and it was scary ...And nothing happened. It didn't seem like God was going to come through. Maybe we had heard wrong...

But for months, God said, "Wait."

So we waited. And we felt crazy. And we looked unwise. And we were misunderstood, I'm sure.

And we doubted frequently. And we tried to head different directions. And we tried to plan ahead. And we tried to jump off the path God had laid before us. And we tried to "go" in any area we could while still technically waiting…

But God kept saying, "Wait". So each time we tried to abandon ship or turn the rudder in a different direction, within a day or two we had to repent and tie our rudder back down to the course God had set for us. And simply wait...And that was painful.

From our perspective, it looked like God was sending us straight into the rocks and to certain doom. But the more we prayed and tried different things, the more He confirmed the direction He had pointed us in...and the more sure we were that He was saying, "Wait."

We didn't know how it would work out. We needed a miracle. We were scared of waiting and potentially crashing. But we were more afraid of disobeying...

"We don't have to know how it is going work out in order to obey God." Pastor Daniel Williams

So we waited and prayed and waited and prayed and kept working hard at the things God had set before us.

Then, about a month ago, we began to sense God telling us to "go" in one area. But it was an area that seemed to move us toward those looming rocks even faster, instead of steering us away from them.

So we prayed hard. And we talked about it often. And we prayed together and on our own and reminded each other to pray and set a timeline.

Then we began to tell people. Just a few. And we prayed that if this step really was what God wanted that He would allow the authority in our lives to support it.

A week later God opened one door we didn't think was possible, and another that we didn't know existed. It was as if He began to open up a path in the middle of the rocks just big enough for our ship to squeeze through.

And the first thought I had when the opportunities were presented was, "Why did I have so little faith?”

"Why did I doubt God's provision when He said to wait?""Why didn't I jump faster when He said to go and it made no sense?""Why do I struggle to believe God when He's proven Himself over and over?”

I'm so thankful that we obeyed even when it didn't make sense. And although there are more rocks ahead, my faith is stronger and I'm trusting that the path will open when we get there. He's never let us crash before.

And whether God is telling you to "go" or telling you to "wait", and no matter how crazy the direction He's asking you to take…obey.

Because..."Obedience precedes understanding." Pastor Daniel Williams

We didn't understand. And I know we won't understand again in the future...maybe even the very near future, but I'm more afraid of being outside God's will then I am of "crashing" while inside of His will.

What It Takes For A Miracle by Alesha Sinks

“In order for God to do miracles in our lives, we have to be in a place where we need a miracle."Pastor Daniel Williams

We all want to live by faith, but no one wants to feel completely overwhelmed and unsure of how things could possibly work out.

We all want to step out for God and do whatever He asks, but no one wants to obey when God only shows them the first step down a long and scary path.

We all want a miracle, but no one wants to be in the place of desperate need that necessitates a miracle.

We all want to see miracles. But no one wants to be in the place that makes a miracle possible.

Because you can’t have a miracle without the need for one. Because miracles aren’t normal or expected or natural or easy.

So if you are finding yourself in a hard place today, a desperate place, an overwhelmed place, or a seemingly hopeless place, remember...you are in a place where a miracle can happen. And we serve a God of power. We serve a God of miracles.

It won’t be easy. It won’t be normal. It won’t be expected. It won’t be planned. It won’t be on your time schedule. It won’t be in your control. It won’t be the way you thought it would be. But God can work miracles in your hopeless situation.

Sometimes His miracles may look incredibly natural, like using people to help provide for you. Sometimes His miracles may be very intangible, like giving you salvation. Sometimes His miracles may not seem like miracles, like stripping away things you think you need. Sometimes His miracles won’t come when you need them, because the real miracle is happening on the other side of the tragedy.

But I believe in a God of miracles. So let’s not be afraid of the hard places, the scary places, the places where we don’t have control of what happens. But let’s begin to look at those places as opportunities for God to show His power...for Him to do a miracle.

Let's reset our perspectives with the truth that God can show up in the midst of our desperate situations. Let's remind ourselves that He is powerful and that He desires to show Himself strong in our weaknesses. Let's preach the power of the Almighty God to our frightened and anxious hearts remembering that He is a God of miracles.

PERSPECTIVE RESET (Psalm 32) by Alesha Sinks

{This post is an excerpt from my devotional ebook Perspective Reset: 28 readings and meditations from the Psalms. The devotional is FREE to all of my newsletter subscribers and I would love for you to download it. Click HERE to subscribe and download the ebook.}

Psalm 32:1-11

I often turn to the Psalms when I’m feeling broken, when the weight of my sin is heavy on my heart. As I’ve walked through times of life where condemnation is crushing me and I can’t seem to fathom God’s forgiveness, the Psalms of David, like this one, are particularly comforting.

David knew what it was like to sin greatly. He was an adulterer, who then ordered a murder to cover up his adultery. Yet another time he decided to number his armies to see how great his power had grown, ignoring the warnings God sent him to not do it. In this latter case, God brought a plague on the people David ruled as punishment. Because of David’s sin, hundreds of innocent people died. Can you imagine the weight of that sin? The shame? The pain?

In these verses (v 3-4), David described the pain of living with unconfessed sin. God knows all of our actions, including our sins, so there is no use in acting like we are hiding them from Him. Too often I find myself refusing to confess under the excuse that God knows my sin anyways, because the act of confessing is often incredibly painful.

And yet David, this great sinner, was also known as the "man after God’s own heart". No one else in the Bible had this glorious title bestowed on them. How?

His secret is found in these verses. David proclaims the blessings of being forgiven by God, and the beauty of confessing our sins to Him.

Even though God already knows our sins, He wants us confess them to Him. There is an incredible power in speaking or writing a confession of sin to God. It brings a clarity and gravity to the sin and allows us to feel the full weight of it.

Feeling the full weight of our sin initially seems like a bad thing, but instead, it actually allows us to then experience the full freedom from it that God desires to give us.

Will we walk in the "sorrows of the wicked” who try to hide their sin? Or will we stand with David, baring the ugliest parts our hearts to God, and surrounded in His “steadfast love”? The difference is confession. Honest, simple confession to God will bring us the ability to experience full freedom from our sins.

{Verse to Meditate On Today}

"I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,’ and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah"
Psalm 32:5

{Take some time to write a confession to God today for whatever sins might be weighing on your heart, trusting that the God who forgave David will forgive you.}

Promising Freedom by Alesha Sinks

I've been studying through 1st and 2nd Peter for awhile now. Too long, probably, but I'm pressing on slow anyways. And a few days ago, these words seemed to hang out in front of me in the air, waiting for me to grasp their significance. "They promise them freedom, but they themselves are slaves of corruption. For whatever overcomes a person, to that he is enslaved." 2 Peter 2:19

Peter is discussing false teachers: their lives, their deceptions, and their destinies. He was warning the church against listening to or being led astray by false teachers.

The defining feature of false teachers in this passage was...

They promise freedom, but they themselves are not free.

As I read, I paused to think on this...that we can't offer to others what we ourselves don't have. And it struck me that this is exactly what our adversary the devil tries to do.

He offers peace, but he has no peace to offer. He offers power, but he knows that his power will be taken away. He offers riches, but he will ultimately be stripped of all he has. He offers happiness, but he is fueled by rage and envy. He offers freedom, but he himself is bound to earth and destined for eternal death.

All the promises of this world, all the riches and fame and joy and peace promised are simply lies of the deceiver himself, just reshaped and repackaged by those who have unknowingly fallen for his lies.

And I wonder what we’re listening to and what we’re preaching…

Because you can’t offer what you don’t have, and if you try then you’re following in the steps of the deceiver, the Father of Lies.

Pastor Daniel has said over and over, “If I’m not filling up on Jesus, then the best I can give people is myself.”

And I once again find myself looking deep inside and asking... What do I have to offer? What do I promise to others? What has overcome my life? What am I filling up on?

I don’t want to be a false teacher. I don’t want to resemble a false teacher even for a moment. I don’t want to promise freedom if I myself am in bondage. And I don’t want to give anything other than Jesus.

...because, in Jesus I am alive and can offer life to the dying. In Jesus I am forgiven and can offer forgiveness to others. In Jesus I have peace and can offer peace to a broken world. In Jesus I’ve been given freedom and can offer freedom.

We are free and can offer the freedom that is in Jesus to a broken and bondaged world.

This post is full of more questions than answers, because only you know your answers to these questions. I’m unsettled in writing this because it doesn’t feel tidy. But sometimes we need to simply be left with messy questions…messy because they dig into the messiness of our own hearts and lives.

So I’m not leaving you with a tidy post today...just the mess of questions that I’m asking myself. And I'm inviting you to join me in asking them. Will you?